Behind Blue Eyes
by NotMarge
Summary: A short retrospective of the Winter Soldier, formerly known as James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes. Previously named "Man with the Brown Eyes".


I do not own Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

I am still so jazzed from seeing it though!

Behind Blue Eyes

* * *

James Buchannan "Bucky" Barnes. He had, every day of his life, looked out at the world through expressive, mesmerizing, blue-grey eyes.

He did not remember himself, his name, or his past now. Only his assignment at present. This was his only knowledge, his only legacy.

Though he did not know it, when he was alive, truly alive, his eyes had held many expressions. When he laughed or smiled, his eyes had lit up and made all the girls swoon. When he was sad, his eyes could weep heart-wrenching tears without any moisture escaping those deep, dark well-pools. When he was focused and resolved, his eyes drove steel before them.

Though he did not remember, those blue-grey eyes were the last thing Steve Rogers had seen of him as his best friend had fallen from his strong, grasping hand.

And now, this new creature, this Winter Solider, still saw the world through storm-cloud eyes. Though he was no longer entirely human, those eyes, those blue-grey orbs still held so much expression. They were the only thing that remained of his destroyed soul, his brutalized humanity.

As he carried out his most recent of many missions, those blue-grey eyes held dark determination and a refusal to ever back down. The crying, screaming, terrified flesh bags held no interest for him. Only the assigned target.

As he looked blankly at his intended target, that man that called him "Bucky", his blue-grey eyes flashed with confusion, followed by sparks of brief recognition.

Something, something whispering behind his stormy orbs. That this target, this man _knew_ him. And he knew him as well. Or did. Had.

Returning to the secured location. Sitting in the metal chair. That cold, hard, torturous contraption.

And his eyes. Those searching eyes. Flashing confusion, fleeting memories.

Seeking answers from those around him. Even as he knew answers would not be granted. Seeking them nevertheless.

Fortifying metal bands clenched around his muscular arms. One flesh and blood, the other a powerful, unholy metal machine. Leaning back, eyes searching the ceiling. Biting down on the black rubber mouth guard, tasting the thick, repulsive material with his trapped tongue.

Knowing the horrible sensations that would soon surge through his exposed nerve endings. Not remembering, not with his brain exactly. With those exposed nerve endings. Those sensitive dendrites that were already screaming _no, no, no, not again_ in sheer fear and terror. Because they had been trained through so many experiences before to fear the oncoming pain. That pain, that agonizing pain that never lessened. Each time, it was just as bad. Just as excruciating. Just as completely blinding. And they could not escape from it.

Those blue-grey eyes. Filled with trepidation, with dreaded anticipation. Helpless resignation. Waiting for the blinding white lightening to incinerate the surfacing memories and thoughts from the wrinkled folds of his mental recesses.

Did part of him _want_ it to be burned away? Willing to suffer any pain to regain the peace, the equilibrium of anonymity?

And it had. When he had regain his senses, he was once again a blank canvas. Clean, smooth darkness of the empty mind. Ready to accept and complete whatever mission was assigned to him.

Those storm cloud eyes were once more flat, empty, calm. Devoid of humanity, of soul, of life.

Until he faced his target, his adversary again, this man now in a colorful uniform, familiar, somehow it was familiar. As was the maddeningly impenetrable round shield. Battling in the air. Hovering above a vast, empty, open chasm. Certain death promised with one misstep.

Then everything had gone askew. Trapped under immovable steel. He would die now. He would die alone. And it didn't matter. But then his target returned. And saved him. Why? He didn't know. That man that refused to fight him. And threw his only defense away down below.

That blank slate of a soldier had eyes full of rage, confusion, and a little perhaps even a little fear as he brutally attacked the vulnerable man. Kicking him, punching him. Punishing that frustratingly familiar man for his offered absolution.

And behind those blue-grey eyes, more whispers. Murmurs.

_Don't do it. Not this one. Stop._

_Obey orders. Destroy._

_No, not him. Why? I don't know._

_Kill._

_No. This is wrong. Why? I don't know._

Then his target fell away from him. He watched as the target, the man, disappeared away into the swirling mists. And then they came to him. Snuck up and revealed themselves hazily behind his searching orbs. Whispering memories. Falling away. But not this man. Himself. Falling away into whiteness.

And this man. Looking down at him in complete anguish and grief. Yelling. Yelling . . . something.

And so he dove into the frigid, murky water. Pulled his sinking target, the unconscious dying man, up from the watery depths. Dragged him slowly to the muddy shores. Watched him gasp for breath, for life. Then left him there. Walked away resolutely and did not look back. As the whispers of memories moved in shadows behind his eyes.

The future was uncertain for this man, this Winter Soldier. But he would face it. He would not turn away. He would seek it out with his eyes.

His searching, blue-grey, storm-cloud eyes.

* * *

**Good grief, Sebastian Stan's eyes are fantastic! I didn't anticipate caring so much about the Winter Soldier himself. But he managed to convey so much with so little words and time. Truly impressive, don't you think?**

**Very grateful thanks to Jeps for realizing my folly with misinterpreting his blue grey eyes as brown. Must have been all the dark hair and dark shadows around his face. Doubled by my overexcitement of the movie. Haha! Thanks again, Jeps. :)**

**Thanks to Fighting4Fantasy, MoonlitShadowsoftheHumanSoul, Jeps, MishaMe1994, starfallen00, Unformal Sorrelle, writer314, The Winter's Child, and ChesnutBrumby for your great reviews. I appreciate you all!**

**Thanks to Gamma Cavy, Maleeha, Gumi Takehara, SorrynotSorry9, otakufanficlover20, Clemences-are-so-sexy, ASmileCanHideAMillionTears, StargateFFWriter, Apathetic Mortal, and IAmtheStars for adding your support to this story as well.**

**Everyone likes feedback. Leave a review if you like. :)**


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